Letter

Dear friends,

A lot of my friends here at Lipscomb are Bible majors. I was actually one too, for a while, and they talked about things like eschatology and liturgy. Anyway, all that stuff becomes rather intimidating for the outsider or layman. It isn't really explicitly stated, but it kind of seeps into your subconscious that you are perhaps less fit to minister if your theologies have not been carefully built on hours of exegesis. They talk about callings and vocational ministries and you might feel just a little bit worthless if you haven't at least gone on a month long mission. It can be intimidating, really.

Anyway, I have the opportunity this Spring to travel to Ensenada, Mexico with Lipscomb University on a mission trip. But before I ask you for money, I really want to say thank you for investing in me. I think people raise a lot of eyebrows and give a lot of credit to those who got "trained" for this stuff or go for years at a time. And they deserve it, they really do. But I also think our vocation is pretty simple, and doesn't take a doctorate in theology or anything like that to act justly and to love mercy. And these things are good, God says so.

So if you can give joyfully to this mission, please do so. Otherwise, I am still incredibly grateful to have witnessed the way that you have ministered here and now to your neighbors and myself, and I cannot emphasize how much of an influence that has been to me growing up. It's the people that get this letter that let me know that faith isn't backed by an education or a degree but simply lived out.

If you would like to give monetarily you can do so at http://www.lipscomb.edu/development/Student-Mission-Gifts. You would type "Caleb Townsend" in the participant's name field and select "City of Children" as the trip name. If you cannot give, I'm sure the good Lord will provide should it be his will.

Oh, and sorry if that was too preach-y.

peace.

Caleb Townsend

Listen

I don't suppose many of my more recent posts have been very encouraging. Maybe this one will change that.

I'm home for a couple days, which is always strange. I had planned on getting in some real "me" time, you know, where you sit in front of the fire and do nothing for at least half an hour. That never really happened because I had to do errands all day.

But finally tonight, I read a little of Through Painted Deserts and I creeped some people's blogs. Deserts is certainly not one of Miller's most profound works, but he's honest, and that counts. The blogs are what gets to me, though.

Sometimes, I'll think about who might have an interesting blog and I'll go look at their Facebook and see if they have one posted. Then I'll go read it. I know that sounds dumb, but don't hate until you try it. It pretty much blows my mind what some people say. It beats watching a tacky movie, that's for sure.

Anyway, I was creeping some girl's blog, and it really just touches you deep inside what people say on these things. I think she writes on this blog specifically hoping that someone will read what she has said and then just hold her for a moment and say "you aren't alone in any of this." I probably would speak some encouragement into her life, but I don't know her well enough, so loving her when I see her will have to do.

To be honest, I think sharing the human condition is one of the purest ways you can serve someone. That's why listening is so important, and that's why I think this girl's blog is so important. I also think that's a lot of why Jesus hung out with all the people who were bogged down in the human condition. He really didn't want to talk to the guys who were already fine anyway. It must have meant a whole lot to all these people to have someone who was willing to deal with the brokenness of life at its core and not walk out the door.

I can't speak for everyone else, but I spend a lot of time making sure I look okay so that when people ask me "how are you?" I can tell them fine and not have to deal with a second battery of questions. But I can tell I feel safe with someone when I let the acting drop for a moment and tell such a person I'm not fine.

I'm not completely sure why, but when I listen to others' and share my own life's failings, I feel very much less alone. God may or may not have wired me like this on purpose. But I'm going to try to be gentle and listen.

Blessings

How much do I really give?

I am not very good at moderation. But, I really doubt God wants moderation.

A young woman spoke in chapel yesterday. She lives in Africa with 12 orphans, giving them a house and a home. The most interesting part in her story was how she got to where she is now. She has no "road to Damascus" story.

She went for a week. Then the minister there asked for maybe a summer or a year. So she went for a year. Then she saw the needs of these little ones, so she began taking care of them. Now she has adopted twelve and placed hundreds.

She had no leap of faith (that is not to say that her faith or works are not extraordinary), but rather God asked her for a little, and then a little more, and his requests became increasing in magnitude until she was no longer herself but Jesus. Although I must admit it is a little frightening because my faith is so weak, it is encouraging that I only double my talents once at a time. Perhaps God apportions just enough grace so I am able to submit to his requests when they are asked of me. I pray that it is so.

I wonder sometimes how Job looked at all of his stuff when he got it back the second time. I think sometimes that his milk might have tasted sour or he looked at his daughters with a tired bitterness. Or, maybe the opposite is true: he dove into his blessings, understanding he should enjoy what has been given to him but that these things too will pass.

When I was an infant, I thought that we are to try and collect all of life's blessings from God's stream of abundance. But then I realized along with Job that the water becomes stagnant and it rots if you try to hold on to it.

So when I was a little older, I thought that we should simply swim in these blessings, letting the flow of possessions run over our hands and pass through them. I enjoy them now, but I understood to let them go. I would picture walking along, simply letting the water go between my fingers. It is the hopeful view of the late Job. But then I realized that other people's rivers of blessings are not as excessive as mine.

So today I think that we are to use our hands and bodies and push our rivers over as much of the earth as possible. If I am given much, what I have is to be apportioned deep and wide. If my blessings are but a trickle of a stream, then I am to place my thumb in the groove and spread the water a quarter-inch to the two people on my right and left.

I think that one of these days God will ask of me something, and I will say yes. And maybe I'll find after a while he asks for my life, and I really won't mind giving that away either.

Public/Private

I don't like to do good things in public.

I know Jesus says we should pray and do good works in private, but I unfortunately don't think my reason is the same as Jesus'. I should think that Jesus said this so it doesn't go to our heads and so that he receives the glory and because his love is always focused on others and not ourselves.

But for me, I like to do them privately because I know who I am, and I don't want you to get confused about who I am. I don't want to do them publicly and have people think I'm a saint, because I'm not.

I think this is why I like to serve with people that know me. They know who I really am, and that I've got a heart of pride and I'm as lazy as a sloth, so it's a really big deal when I overcome those things do what's right. I don't mind them seeing me doing the right thing because I think they've got an accurate picture of me, and I'm as human as can be.

But our gift is unfathomable grace. It is much too deep for me to comprehend, but perhaps just within my faith to believe.

God's picture of me is both accurate and somehow faultless at the same time.

I guess that would make me a saint.

Forgiven

Forgiveness has tremendous implications on how I am to treat people.

It is not that I hate it, or resent it, it is just that a person who is actually sorry for what they did but then is forgiven will act differently, and sometimes that is a little uncomfortable.

Or a lot uncomfortable.

Old Navy

I think the mall is a pretty funny place. I feel like when I'm in the mall I'm in this primordial game of sex appeal, and everyone is trying to look as attractive as possible for each other. Perhaps the the lean, tan adolescents will spontaneously mate with each other outside Abercrombie.This is especially true in those upscale malls where people pay lots of money for clothes that have holes in them.

I get tired of this game after about ten seconds. Instead, I like to sit down and people watch.

I went to Starbucks and ordered a decaf solo misto. The barista was upset that she had to put on decaf. And you know what? That's the difference between a good barista and a crummy one. The good ones are interested in your drink. They are fascinated that you would order such a drink, and they will take certain pleasure in making it for you. This one was annoyed she had to make decaf. Lame.

Then I went about my business that was people watching. For some reason, observing all these people made me think about the time in Nashville when I went to this concert at Cafe Coco and the singer in the opening act could not have been older than nineteen years old. He wore one of those Old Navy t-shirts with the swoosh-looking underline and Rebok tennis shoes. My ex girlfriend and her friend were making fun of him. I suppose its good that we broke up, because I had immediately thought of the kid as my hero for wearing an Old Navy t-shirt onstage.

I'm not sure why I liked him for that reason, to be honest. I'm not at all fashionable; my wardrobe consists of clothing from Target and Old Navy and WorldSoccerShop. Perhaps it is because in our primordial game of find the suitable mate he was obviously not a threat to my vastly superior masculinity. Or maybe it was because I could relate. But I really didn't think about making fun of the kid.

To be certain, as I sipped on my misto, I am always in awe that God forgives everyone the same. This is one of those things that I am very thankful for. Because I am not a genius, nor an athlete, and I'm more likely to wear Old Navy than Urban Outfitters.

Work

I treated myself at my lunch break today; it was my last day of work so I figured I would slip down to Starbucks and get a latte. To be honest, I thought the summer would never end. My job is very stressful. Actually, and it is with great pleasure that I correct myself, I can amend that statement to "it was very stressful." I'm done now.

It scares me for a few moments. I would get up and put on my dress shirt and grab my thermos of coffee and slide into the office. Then I would deal with bipolar customers and uptight QA managers for 9 hours.

I think I almost got swallowed by the American corporate machine.

But then I would come home and see myself in the bathroom mirror, my long hair nearly to my brown eyes. And I would play my guitar next to John Nolan's labored yelling. I'm not quite a young professional, not if I have anything to say about it.

My pops said it was a good experience and I made bank, and those statements are true. What's strange is how lame the summer felt.

I'm not ordinarily one to put a whole lot of stock into feelings, but this summer just stunk. I don't even really think God wanted humans to live like this. Generally alone, with nearly no community and a whole lot of money. How awful is that?

But I also think God likes hard workers. So that is also confusing.

Summer used to be so awesome when you were young. Now it's no fun at all. The trick is finding out what you're supposed to be doing at all of these silly seasons that change more often than I can keep up with. I'm 20. Yikes.

My only consolation was that the espresso was very rich. And I also stumbled on this verse.

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.